Bye Bye Bye

My life is a changing...

I think I am dropping my best friend. I have made attempts to talk to him and actually keep in touch since he moved back to Sacramento from Utah... But it seems to me ever since he married the mother of his child (they were dating for only 1 1/2 months before he got her pregnant, and then married her as a way to make right, again, my opinion) I haven't heard or seen from him.


Maybe he has grown up... Its sad to loose the one last friend that I have had since High School. But, he has a family now. I guess there is no need for me anymore..

America... FUCK YEA!

omfg (yes, I hate using that word);

I got my "rebate" money today (thanks to our "intelligent government" (and I use the term loosely, BTW)! Score one for the good guys! Who couldnt use an extra $600 for no reason? I wouldn't have noticed but I get these emails daily that tell me the balance of each of my bank accounts (Checking, Savings and my Credit Card). I was looking through them to see how much I have in checking to live by till next Monday (since I only get paid 2 times a month, at the 5th and the 20th of each month). Usually, the checks that I get at the beginning of the month are a little more then the ones at the end. This is only because we have a "bonus program" set up where we get more money if we collect more money or see more patients or get a set number of new patients in to see the Doctor. The only bonus we usually hit is the one for money collected in a month. The goal is to collect $25k with in the month and we get 1% of that final total (yeah, only 1-freaking-%, weak). So far, with 2 more days left in the month, we have collected about $34140.71. So, this means that I will take home an extra $341 on top of what I usually make... I hope my final total will be $1k for this next pay check (one can only hope that it is that much). Anyways, I am happy today. Well, kinda. I like the thought of having some extra money in my bank account, but I know I have to pay off some bills. I owe Paul $350 for half of the TV that we bought earlier this month. And I also have a balance of $228.32 on my credit card... Which means... $600 - $350 - $228 = I will have left about $22 stinking dollars to show for it. *sigh* But then, I will be debt free (minus the car payments on SnoBall). I am finally getting my shit together. Once this credit card is gone, all the left over money I get (like the things I sell on Half.com, or my silly habit of recycling to make some extra $) will go in to savings. Its kinda sad, I had $1500 in my ING Orange savings account, then I took $500 out to pay for my car registration and getting new insurance on it. There is only now $1100... I need to stop spending! Ugh!

[Edit: 926am]
I am gonna pay of the credit card today and pay Paul the money now. We have been emailing each other this morning since about 830am and the sooner I get this thing done, the better. I'll fell better about it when I have a $0 balance on the credit card... I promise.

woot.

I think Paul and I are gonna go here this weekend.

We're sorry, Dolores... Your turtle is dead.

So, I need to get some shit done for my classes. I have decided (not like it is even an option) to finish working on my stupid research paper for Poly Sci later on tonight. And, I also need to put a huge dent into my photography portfolio too. I just need to stop fucking procrastinating on these simple little projects and get them over and done with. The sooner I get them done means that it will be one last thing to worry about which also means that I can goof off more while at home :)

I just feel so un-motivated sometimes. I need to lock myself in a room with no distractions. How will I ever make it thru Summer and Fall classes at this rate?

fuck.

But I feel nothing. Am I better yet?///

For some strange reason,
when ever I hear the song "Analyze" by Thom Yorke, I get the sudden urge to learn how to play a piano. I don't know if I have ever said this but, that song is one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard in a long time. I also end up thinking about the ending of the movie "The Prestige" with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman. The whole album is really good too. Plus, Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman = yummy!

And,
I also love the song "Shadowplay" by The Killers from their last album called Sawdust. Paul thinks that they are trying to sound like She Wants Revenge in this album, which I can totally see. But I just love the beat. Makes me wish I was at a club dancing to the beat.

I have no desire to work on my finals... I just can't wait to get these classes over and done with.

You're a women, we both know it's true by the things that I have done to you///

If I had more interesting things to write, trust me, I would. But, lately, I feel like I am in a rut of some sorts. I almost feel like more things should be happening to me but they just aren't.

I have become more and more inspired by music today, mostly the bands that I know and love in my little life. I have put on my mp3 player and listened to some of my favorite bands and just listened to the songs for once, ya know?... Listening to the words... Listening to the meanings within the lyrics... Listening to the sounds hidden beneath the guitar and bass and kick drum and symbols... Listening to the notes that each instrument makes and each musician makes the instrument make. I do that from time to time. I think I get it from my Dad. He is a musician. A bassist. He has been playing since he was a teenager... well over 30 years from the talks we have had on the subject. When ever we go to concerts, he likes to watch how the members play... Their style... Their technique. He says that it gives him more of in insight to the world of music and playing. So that's what I do sometimes; I notice it more when I am with Paul. I have caught myself drumming along to each song... Keeping up with the beat... Air Drums, if you will. Funny thing is that I have never played the drums in my life; my younger brother did... I must have picked it up by watching him.

Anyways, I lost track of what I was gonna write. Maybe it is for the best, if that makes any sense. I wish I had stuck with the guitar. I made the mistake of getting into it for the wrong reason... But I guess that is how it is supposed to be for little old me.

Ugh. Was this a rant? Or just my head writing exactly what is on my mind? If only I could write like this all the time!?!?!?! Fuck.

& over & again///

So,

One of the cds in the office amongst the 4 80's compilations (those cheesy Modern Rock ones) is a compilation cd of some songs from the 1970's (which I love cause my parents listened to that stuff when I was a kid), it has the song "Kiss You All Over" by a band named Exile... When ever I hear that song, I think of the movie Happy Gilmore when Adam Sandler is singing into the intercom... I just have that picture in my head when I hear the chorus. Stupid movie makes me smile all the time.

Dork.

Bathed in nothing but sweat///

Random:

-I hit my first car last night while leaving to go home yesterday. Not fun. It barley touched the car. But I took off... Now I am in hiding. Like I have the money to deal with a small scuff.

-Work is still a battle field. Beginning to not care and just do my own thing.

-Test tonight. I think I am gonna fail it. I hate taking test. Totally stupid. I have other things to worry about like my stupid finals... Which I am still not done with.

-Sold another CD via half.com which makes me happy cause that money goes to paying off my little credit card.

-Want to go to the Maker Faire next weekend in San Mateo. Must convince Paul tho. :)

Standing on the edge of morning, scent of sex & New Found Glory///

Random things:

-I saw a lady with a huge run in her stockings... I was so tempted to tell her but she seemed a little mean.

-I saw a homeless guy with a shopping cart... Wearing a helmet! I think it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

-I smelled like BBQ/ burnt wood all night. My mom and I were trying to get the grill going the old fashioned way and after 1 hour, we gave up. When I picked up Paul, he said that he could smell it on me.

-I sold another CD off half.com, Leaving Through the Window by Something Corporate, which made me happy because it reminded me of Patrick. I don't need reminders of him anymore. Plus, I made some money too. I wish I could get rid of everything else, too. Fuck.

& I've made stairways such scenes for things that I regret///

I hope I finally got my point across. What do you think?

I pull the black from the gray///

Good time with Mom & Dad today. I'll write more about it later.


On a totally unrelated note, when I was taking to Miguel yesterday. I don't know what sparked the topic, but it did. I came to the conclusion that I have been with 2 guys in the past that I would have married at some point. I saw that one of my ex-boyfriends was online. He was the first guy I ever dated back when I was only 18 (how young and stupid I once was) and the first guy that made my first things happened with; The first real serious boyfriend, the first long term and long distance relationship, the first "I love you", the first sex... He was something else. And like many things, Amanda & Patrick were simply not meant to be. I also thought about another one: Eddie. Probably the most opposite of any guy Ive met but things happened when I was 21. And with in 4 months, Eddie asked me to marry him and become Mrs. Edward James Radanovich III. Anyways, I went looking through one of my old photo bucket accounts and found a picture of me with the engagement ring that Eddie gave me. I wonder what I would have become if I did end up marring him back 2005/2006? I think the thought of what could have been hurt me a little bit only because I was treated like nothing... Like I was less then a person. Stupid jerks. I did get a pretty ring tho. I gave it back after Eddie told me he cheated on me. At least a boy bought me something sparkly and shiny tho.

I think I am more mad that I thought about how stupid these guys were then anything else in the world.

Fuck. Time for sleep. The assholes upstairs are at it again. More about that later. Its a whole new can of fucking worms now.

srxt

I think I am gonna take a shower, clean up a little bit, play some video games and head over to see Mom and Dad ( only because its been a few weeks since I've seen them) plus, I will finally finish the bar and the coffee table projects I have out there still : )

Fierce!

What a day. Ugh. Seriously. I am just so glad that it is over. I am so happy that Dr D decided to close up shop early today. I know that Sara is still mad at me over this blog. Do I think she is wrong? No. She is entitled to her own opinion... As am I. But all I know is that if she wants to keep ignoring me during work then we are gonna have a difficult time. Does it bother me? Only in the slightest because I kinda need to get into her office space sometimes and I also need to tell her things but if she is gonna be short with me, then I guess that's how shit is gonna be. End of story.

But since it is a weekend, on to more pleasant things. I had no desire to work on my project today. I ended up chatting on line with my good old buddy, Miguel, who lives in San Francisco about my poetry project. He loved the idea. Which now means that I have to get the book going. I mean, I don't have to get it going but now I know that I have a friend who likes the idea I am going with and who will give me some sort of constructive criticism. Anyways, it was good to hear from him again. He told me about a book that he is looking at someday publishing. I told him about blurb.com and hopefully he will use it cause I am very interested in his book idea.

I am currently sitting on our empty bed watching an old episode of Project Runway. It's the one where they do an avaunt garde design. Gotta love Team Fierce! I think I am gonna end up playing some more Ratchet & Clank in a little while. But I can't choose which show to watch. There is: Project Runway, Best Week Ever, CSI or CSI: Miami.

On a totally unrelated note, I am getting pissed off at my neighbors upstairs. Stupid college frat dick heads. Playing music late at night, gawd. And to top it of, they are not even playing anything good. FUCKING-A.


[Edit]
I called the security that monitors the complex and told the guy my story/ problem. He apparently sent some guys out here at about 10pm-ish. I heard them knocking on the door but the guys inside didn't answer. I guess they convinced them to stop. It's been 2 hours. Score.

Manda = 1
Jerk Guys = 0

Things I hate...

Ugh. I hate people who gossip. Present company included (I am the worst, I will be the first to admit that). But I have noticed an influx of this lately while out and about. Like at the groceries store, or while eating dinner, at the mall (which is one of the main reasons why I hate going there) or even in my school. I know that gossiping is part of life, its the thing we do, unfortunately. Sometimes, I wish I could confront people who are like that and tell them to STFU sometimes. I try to keep quiet sometimes. Mostly at work, I have noticed that I have become less talkative in certain situations. Instead, I keep (most) things to myself and think about them (sometimes using logic or reasoning) and if the thought doesn't go away on its own (cause trust me, lots of things happen during my day that are random) I will go home and write about it so (hopefully) it will get off my chest. I try to not hold anything against anyone; I understand that people are people and things happen. I would not like it if anyone held something over my head when there are millions of other things that are MUCH worse (IMHO). With that said, I would hope that anyone who reads this wont take offense. I am just one person in the world of billions. My opinion means something to myself, but you don't have to like it. And I am not telling you that you should, but its just a thought. Leave it at that. Read it, like it or hate it, and leave it be.

Thank you.

So we are watching the new South Park and so far, the episode has me written all over it. pwn.

Infidel to die for what I am doing///

Guess what? I finally started to write my stupid paper for my Political Science class. After I posted last night, I laid in bed and started to crunch out ideas. I got one full page of ideas and thoughts down. I just need to keep going like I did last night. I don't want to keep procrastinating. The sooner I get this thing done, the better. Promise. Plus, it will be one less thing to worry about. I figured that if I keep at this pace for the rest of the week, the paper should be a breeze from that point.

I know there was something that I wanted to write down real bad. I didn't go home for lunch today since Paul sent me an email telling me he was going to lunch with his work. I sat in my car listening to my mp3 player. The hour went by so slowly. It was nice to be outside for once in the middle of the day. It was warm but real windy which made it the perfect day to just sit with the windows down. I was thinking about the mixed CD that I am [still] gonna make for my special lady friend. I hope it will turn out as well as I think it will in my head. The only time I am truly happy now is when I am surrounded by music or art (and Paul, duh). Trust me, when I was down stairs, I did not want to come back up for work.

Work is... work. I'll have to get more detailed on that subject some other time. Like when I have 100% to vent and get this monkey of my back.

& then she said "These things will kill ya..."

Blah. I have totally forgotten how much I liked watching Hells Kitchen. The cooks aren't as good as last years group (well, from what I am seeing right now). But none the less, it is entertaining. I told Paul that this would be the perfect show to watch and attempt to play a drinking game too. But when am I ever gonna get a weekday off!? Answer: Never.

I, with Paul's permission, took a straight iron to his hair and tried to flatten it out. It actually turned out pretty good and he looks good too. He started to make fun of how he looked and said that he looked like a guy from AFI. I wonder if there is a way to semi-permanently get his hair to stay nice and flat.

We made chocolate covered strawberries also. We had a basket of them and we needed to use the fruit before it went bad and I hate wasting food, especially ones from Whole Foods since they cost like 2 times more then the regular grocery store. We also attempted to make some chocolate coverd bananas too.

I really need to start on that damn paper. I think I am gonna do it now. No time like the present.

I need a gun to keep myself from harm... The poor people are burning in the sun///

I have the sudden urge to write some thing but unfortunately I don't want to write my paper for my Political Science class tho. Can you blame me for thinking that? I know I should be more motivated and determined to start/finish it. Maybe this weekend I will put a major dent in the project... That and my Photography final too.

I thinking I am gonna go through all my poetry that I have been collecting for the past 7 years and pick the best ones that I like and type it all up and make it into a book via Blurb or maybe even Lulu. I was also thinking of putting some of my pictures in the book too. Hopefully if I decide to go for this project, it turns out good.

Paul helped me pick the classes that I am gonna take for the Summer and Fall school year. I am gonna take "Group Discussion" on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 to 9 pm at Sacramento City College during the Summer (which counts as a Communication class and also makes up for the last communication class that I took back in 2003 and dropped out of). I am also gonna take 2 more classes come this Fall. I am gonna take "Elementary Drawing and Composition" on Mondays and Wednesdays from 530 to 750 p and "Intro to Philosophy" on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 530 to 650 pm. I decided that if I want to end up at Sacramento State College, I need to take more required/ transferable classes. I think I am dead set on getting my Art History degree.

Tomorrow is school again. I realy hope I did well on that re-take test from the other day. Time for bed. Lame.

& I need to start that damn paper. FUCK!

I don't want you to fall in love now, so please don't start///

So, it turns out that we did not get the Sony Bravia like we had wanted. We went back to Fry's this morning and apparently the model that we wanted was only on sale cause it is being discontinued. When we asked the sales guy if they had any left, he said that the didn't and all they had was the floor model that had a bunch of dings and scratches. The other brand that we were looking at (which was a Samsung) was also being discontinued too. Not my idea of a good time... The guy who was helping us was not very helpful or friendly either. We walked around talking about what we could do (either go to another store and see what they have in stock/ sale, go home all together, or get something else). We talked to another guy in that department and we asked him about a different TV, a nice little 32" Toshiba LCD TV that wasn't being discontinued and he said that they didn't have any at the Natomas location but that they did have one at the Roseville store.

We drove to Best Buy and saw what they had. Paul doesn't like Best Buy let alone the fact buying from them and perpetuating the cycle of greed or something like that... We decided to check out the computer section to see if we could go online to compare prices while in the store. Well, one of the "department managers" saw what we were doing and waited till we got off to change the setting on the computer so no one can do a price comparison. (score one for the little guys). We decided to walk over to Bev Mo see if they had any Skyy Vodka on sale (it was on sale for buy one, get one for a $0.05) but they were all sold out. Yet another strike out for us.

We got back in the car and we drove around trying to find another store in the area, but I ended up on the freeway heading towards home. Paul said that if I wanted to try seeing if the Roseville store had the TV, it was my call. So, I changed my direction from going South on I-5 to heading East on I-80.

We ended up seeing that they had the TV and it was the last that they had in stock (which is the same thing that the second guy told us at the Natomas store) but it was an open box one. We thought about it for a little bit and decided to get that one which also included the original warranty from the manufacturer but was also marked down $40 because it was a return. So, after driving a round trip of about 50 miles, we are now the proud owners of a new flat screen LCD TV! It looks real nice and the sound and picture looks very good. Now all I need to do is get some of the HD channels from the cable to our cable.

Ah, anyways, I think it is time for sleep. Paul is knocked out and work is tomorrow (lame)

No whammy, No whammy, No whammy.... STOP!

Just some randomness before I go to sleep:

-Went to class and am finally picking out the photos that I want to use for my final exam.
-No Second Saturday for us this month. We were gonna go see a gallery at Sacramento State University of David Garibaldi but apparently it was closed (even thought it was advertised in the Second Saturday section and everything)
-Thinning of getting a new TV tomorrow morning at Fry's. We will (hopefully) get a 32" Sony Bravia TV. Then I will be one step closer to getting me that damn PlayStation 3!


Thats all. Borring, I know. But its all gravy to me.

& if we have to go now, I guess there's always hope tomorrow night will be more of the same///

So, its 1am. I don't feel like going to sleep. I know that if I even went to my bed with Paul, I would just lie there awake listening to my mp3 player... Especially since it's a weekend... But I have my photography class @10am. Lame. Ugh.

Any who,
I got a parking ticket the other day (Thursday actually) near my school. I 'apparently' was parked in part of a public street that you need a certain permit in order to park there. Totally fucking pathetic!!! I hope the city uses that money to buy themselves a fucking clue. Ugh. Thank goodness it was only for $35.

I re-took that test in my Political Science class that same day I got the ticket. I felt real good this time. I even studied a little bit (which I hate to do cause I don't know how to study properly) and I think that made all the difference. I owe it all to Paul, naturally. He is always the 'brains' of the relationship.

Speaking of Poly Sci, I need to totally kick ass on my research paper. That can make or break me at this point. The only thing is that I have not even started on the damn thing and its due in a month. Paul thinks that I can still crank out a good paper... I just need to find time to do some research and write the damn thing. I hate writing papers now. When I was younger (like from the age of 13-17 when I was in high school), I loved to write essays and papers like that. But now that I am at the ripe old age of 24, its not my passion anymore.

I am not sure what my "real" passion is now that I think about it. All I have interest in anymore is music, art and photography. I got an email today from my school saying that the registration for the Summer & Fall 2008 semester is gonna happen in May. I am thinking of taking an art class (like a drawing or painting class) and also an art history class to meet my major/ transfer requirements. At this point, its all up in the air still (speaking since this semester isnt even over yet)

Okay, its not 137p, I think I should probably hit the sack. I'll write more as it comes to me. Life is intresting when you least expect it. : )

I've taped you to my heart and if you pull away from me you'll tear my life apart///

Okay, so I sucked on that one test I took the other day... but, my teacher said that I can retake it on Thursday. This only means that I have to kick ass on my final paper that I have yet to start on.




Ugh. WTF!

Size matters?!

I broke down and bought the new Ratchet & Clank game for the PS2 yesterday. I am in love with the whole series and thought that this game would totally kick ass like the other 2 games I have. I have played the game for a grand total of 4 hours and I am now frustrated by the game. I don't know what to do about it. I love the series but this game is not made by the same original company. Talk about a 'dilemma'. Paul thinks I should take it back and get something else... like putting the money back into getting a PS3 and getting the new Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction.

Decisions, decisions.

Things I hate...

My co-worker's boyfriend (who was also once my old co-worker too, we worked together when I was doing retail & also while working for the Dr.) proposed to her this weekend. When I get to work today, my boss asked me if I had talked to her this weekend (I didn't know that we were supposed to) to which I told him that she didn't call me. I told him that she texted me, he asked if it was about how he proposed to her. I said that I did get that message...

He then asked me "when is it gonna be [my] turn." I am in no rush to get hitched or knocked up. I like my life and how things are happening for me. Ugh, that one statement made my blood boil!!!! Maybe marriage is not for me? Maybe I am no supposed to be at that point till I am much older?



STFU! Seriously.

If I could be a real heartbreaker, I'd watch you crash into my arms... We're the stars under the barrel of a gun///

Hooray for Sunday! One of my favorite days of the week because I have officially dubbed it to be "Cinni-roll Sunday." I make Paul and myself cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I usually have a big cup of coffee (its like the only day that I actually have one all week besides on Saturdays, which I usually take with me to my photography class since it's a 5 hour class) and we eat in bed while the cats watch us...

Today, since baseball season started last week, we have been watching different games on TV. San Francisco vs Milwaukee, Toronto vs Boston, Philadelphia vs Cincinnati. I am actually excited for baseball this year. I think it has everything to do with being with Paul. the only sport i liked before i met him was basketball; now we watch everything together... minus golf and Lady's sports (no offence but the guys teams are amazing and real fun to watch IMHO). We watched the Final 4 games last night, and was a little sad to see that UCLA got knocked off by Memphis, but as Paul said last night, "Memphis was the better team and they deserve to go to the National Championship game." We also watched the game with Kansas vs North Carolina (which, I really and honestly can say that i hate that team with a passion) and was so happy when Kansas mopped the floor with UNC's snobby asses! I think at one point, Kansas had a 25 point lead in the first half. I think know that one game made my entire year a little better. So Monday is gonna be Kansas vs Memphis... & I want Kansas to win because if it weren't for Memphis, the Bruins would be there.

Time for a shower... : )

Your smile is like a breath of spring, Your voice is soft like summer rain & I cannot compete with you, Jolene///

I am working on a new mixed cd for my special lady friend on the east. i am no good with coming up with ideas with current songs, so i think i am gonna resort to making a good old cover cd like usual... here are the only ones that come to mind that i havent used on any other previous mixes...


-'Jolene' The White Stipes [Dolly Parton]
-'Never Never Gonna Give You Up' Cake [Barry White]

[edit:] here are some others i am considering...

-'War Pigs' Cake [Black Sabbath]
-'Leaving on a Jet Plane' Me First & The Gimmie Gimmies [John Denver]
-'Stuck in the Middle With You' Eagles of Death Metal [Stealers Wheel]
-'Love Will Tear Us Apart' Fall Out Boy [Joy Division]
-'Pretend We're Dead' Cansei de Ser Sexy [L7]
-'Mama Told Me (Not to Come)' The Wolfgang Press [Three Dog Night]
-'Working Class Hero' Green Day [John Lennon]
-'Do You Think I'm Sexy' Paris Hilton [Rod Stewart] (Kinda ironic since I hate her guts & I think that she looks like a deformed rat)
-'Never Say Never' Queens of The Stone Age [Romeo Void]
-'Drive' Deftones [The Cars]
-'Keep The Car Running' Foo Fighters [Arcade Fire]
-'Lake of Fire' Nirvana [Meat Puppets]

burp.

Dear Jesus,

I have found a new favorite place to eat... I have been here 3 times in the last week. Who would have guessed it would be so sweet and tasty!


-Amanda

Things I hate..

having a bad day all around. on top of being yelled at for a random asortment of things (that have nothing to do with me, mind you) by my all too wonderful boss, i also got my period and a patient came up not too long ago to tell us that there was someone looking into all the cars windows downstairs to break into them.

thank gawd its a friday tho

Things I hate...

School. Yeah, I know. I am back in school and I hate it so much. I think its only because I don't like taking tests. especially if its in a boring subject that i hate from the beginning.

i have a test tonight, and i have a feeling i am not gonna do well on it. fuck. i am off to fail

Things I love: #174

how gullible the staff at Borders are. I think I have returned over 7 old books with out the receipt and gotten lots of store credit in return. One wasn't even a book that I purchased, it was one that was given to me by my boss. Anyways, so far I've got a book by David Sedaris and one by Chuck Klosterman, and one by Christopher Moore. I am working on the book by Moore called "A Dirty Job" which is quite amusing so far. But as soon as I am done with that book, I am returning it and getting more books...



hahaha. suckers!