Wondering...

Would I be selfish if I wondered when I will get married? I know that being married is just legality and other stuff and we live our life like we practically are married anyways... But a girl can dream tho. I am just kinda jealous of seeing my friends getting to that point and I haven't yet. I should just be lucky I have someone who has been there for me for almost 4 years now. Being together that long makes me know that when we do get to that point, it will be worth it. I am not a huge fan of getting engaged when they have only been dating for a short time.

Friday, I'm in love!!!

From Paul...

Another reason why I love him so much.




Date: Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:21:44 -0700
From: xxxxxxxxx@sbcglobal.net
Subject: OK
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Amanda,

I wanted to figure out if the plans would work before I told you what we were gonna do.

On Friday we will leave Sacramento to go to San Francisco. We will arrive to check in at our hotel at 3pm and once there will pick up our VIP tickets to see Tutankhamen at the de Young. After seeing the exhibit and exploring the de Young, we can then go to either the Legion of Honor or the California Academy of Sciences at Golden Gate Park. We will then head back to our hotel to relax for a bit before heading out to a nice dinner.

Saturday is more open-ended, with you having the option of whatever you want to do in SF. From MOMA, to the Asian Art Museum, to the Contemporary Jewish Museum, to Fisherman's Wharf, or a nice drive along the coast.

Hopefully this sounds like a fun weekend, but if you would rather stay home watching movies with the cats, we can do that.Let me know.....Love ya!

In case you missed it...

I don't care how much it cost me...





I am taking Paul here next year for the All Star Game. My hometown is only 15 minutes away! It would be a nice 4 year anniversary present (The game is on July 13th 2010 and our anniversary is on July 25th.)

R.I.P.

well,

we broke up today.

for real this time.

i am in the process of moving my things out.

i didnt want it to end this way... i wanted to marry him.


*sigh*
7/25/06 - 10/4/08

This ain't no funky reggae party, $5 at the door///

Song of the day: Sublime> Garden Grove


Paul got a brand new mp3 player last night...

We first went to Fry's to return something that he had bought for his younger sisters computer that he helped fix up for her 1st year at UC Merced. He took one of the things back with no problem. Because school started for us and we have both been real busy lately, we finally had time to take it back before the 'grace period' ended...

I got pissed at the manager because he was harassing Paul asking him why he waited for 30 days to return one thing but the other was done earlier. He said there was a missing piece to the part, which we told him wasn't in the original package... I pretty much told him that his policies were 'bullshit' because he said that we have to spend $12 for that missing piece before we can return the whole thing.

Long story short, he was able to return the item and had a $54 credit. We didn't need anything else (we have already bought a new 32" LCD TV, PS3... And I am getting my new computer at the end of the year) so he joked that he was gonna get an itouch to replace his old Creative mp3 player since its old (like 4 years, I think) and cant hold a charge anymore...

And he did get it. He likes it a lot.

And now I want one too! I still like my 30g Creative Vison:M but I can hold out till Apple comes out with a new upgraded and cheeper version!

Closed circuit cameras... Before you're comatose///

I miss Paul. Corny... Yes, I know. Nothing seems as fun when he is gone... Not playing the video games... Listening to music... Or even waiting to see which item will be next on the woot-off. He is in Los Angels this weekend to visit family... His little sister, Lauren, is graduating from high school as we speak; his cousin, Katherine, is graduating from San Diego State this weekend, and his Aunt who lives in Austria is in town for his Grandmothers memorial and to get her headstone set in place at the cemetery she is buried in. I have the privilege of picking Paul up from the airport late Sunday night. I will be a grumpy bear if his flight is delayed like usual.

So, what has been going on in the world of me, you might ask? Currently, I am at home. I dropped my Public Speaking class today. I thought about it for the last day or so. I am just not comfortable with the class. The group I was in (that I feel bad for abandoning) was pretty cool. One of the girls went to the same high school as me long ago, too. I dropped the class online. I don't regret it. I decided that I will take another class come this Fall... Which brings my total up to about 4 classes and about 14 units next semester. 3 art classes and 1 math class. I think I am up for the challenge. The classes will be Into to Art, Asian Art, Medieval Art and Algebra Math (which I hate with a passion). I think it will be better off this way. I just feel like I let down Paul. I asked him if he was mad that I decided to drop this class, he said that he wasn't; I can tell that he is slightly. I have to kick ass this next semester. I wish that work wasn't preventing me from devoting my time solely to school and getting my degree.

I should be doing other things... I have been listening to Radiohead since 7pm (I think)... The same 2 songs actually. 'All I Need' & 'Jigsaw Falling into Place'. I keep playing out things in my mind... Like if I were to do a music video, what would it be like? I cant possibly describe what thoughts pop into my head while the song plays... Every time the song starts, I just close my eyes and disappear into something else. Maybe it has something to do with the lyrics, I hear that song and think of the Amanda I once was and how I am nothing like her anymore... Whore, no more:

"Just as you take my hand
Just as you write my number down
Just as the drinks arrive
Just as they play your favourite song
As your blather disappears
No longer wound up like a spring
Before you've had too much
Come back in focus again

The walls abandon shape
They've got a Cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission
Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you're comatose

Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
The beat goes round and round
The beat goes round and round
You never really got me there
I just pretended that I had
What's the point of instruments
Words are a sawed off shotgun

Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out
Come on and let it out

Before you run away from me
Before you're lost between the notes
Just as you take the mic
Just as you dance, dance, dance

Jigsaw falling into place
There is nothing to explain
You eye each other as you pass
She looks back, you look back
Not just once
Not just twice
Wish away the nightmare
Wish away the nightmare
You've got it on you can feel it on your back
It on you can feel it on your back
Jigsaw falling into place"

Re-reading it, I don't like who I was before I met Paul... Constantly running from guy to guy and sleeping with the next guy who would have me. If the old me had a theme song, it would be that song. Hands down. Maybe I should make an "Old Manda" mixed CD. Ideas ideas.

Arg. I think I will play some games or clean up a little bit. I sold one of Paul's old N64 games today. Someone paid $17 for it. Manda = win. Mario Kart. I also need to work on my lame mixed CD... Yeah right.

Have your people call my people...

Lets see...

This weekend (in a nut shell):

Went out with Paul after work to see Kung Fu Panda. I love the Asian culture, action movies (Jackie Chan is one of my favorites) and animations, so I knew I was up for some good times. I should have left work at 5pm and headed into traffic but it didn't help that I waited till work was done to get an adjustment by Dr. I sat in the room for about 20 minutes waiting to get adjusted so I could leave (the reason why I got adjusted was because my left side has been hurting since last Tuesday and he saw me earlier that morning and it helped a lot, so I thought that getting one before I left would be good for the weekend, which, I was wrong). I think I was very close to just walking out, but I waited, got adjusted and then left. When I was stuck in traffic, I tried to get Paul to get me some regular clothes (which he couldn't cause my closet is huge) so when I got in the apartment, I took 2 minutes to get changed and back out the door. We managed to have enough money in change (yes, including quarters) to see the last matinee showing at the theater by the house. We love the movie. The animation was really done well. There were some scenes that I forgot that it was a cartoon. I had fun.

After the movie, we continued the 'panda' theme and went to Panda Express for dinner. We had fun talking about the movie over dinner, remembering our favorite scenes and quotes. When we were done, we went to the mall so that I could get a new t-shirt for the Angels/ A's game the following day. I ended up getting 2 shirts (they were on sale 2 for $30) one was a red Angels shirt and the other was a dark blue San Diego Chargers shirt that looks like Shawne Merriman's jersey. We then drove to Borders to kill some time (since it was only 9pm). We hung out some, I was looking for books to read and Paul was looking for a book that I wanted to read but he and I forgot what it was called. While there, we saw some crotchety old douche bag yell at a father who's infant baby (must have been a month old at least) was crying. Poor dad was watching his infant and young toddler and was attempting to watch his kids while the mom was shopping. I ended up getting a book called 'The Black Dahlia' by James Ellroy and an audio book of David Sedaris' 'Naked'.

The game on Saturday was a blast. We got lost on the way to the Oakland Coliseum somehow by taking the wrong freeway. How many freeways with the number 80 do we need?. I got to see Casey Kotchman during batting practice along with Vlad, Torii, Weaver and others. I even ended up staying up till about 2am making a double sided sign to hold up during the game too (I watched 'Clueless' too while crafting my sign)...


Casey didn't end up playing till the top of the 9th inning. But the boys won. There was fireworks after the game which made their victory much more sweet for me. The seats were awesome too. We were in the 10th row right off the 1st base line. I only wish that Casey was there for me to swoon over. I did take a bunch of pictures and I just need to edit them.

Sunday, we just lounged around. Watching the last game of their series. They ended up loosing in the 12th inning, but Casey did play. I want to take Paul to see a game at Angels Stadium in Anaheim someday. *sigh* One day. I know I will have a blast there.


Any who, we might go to Paul's aunt/uncle's cabin this weekend and come back on Father's Day to see my Papa.

I have much more to write... But I'll save it till sometime tomorrow. I start school tomorrow too. *joy*

When I am king you will be first against the wall///

So,

Tomorrow is the stupid Mayoral election. I am going to vote (I always do on any election, especially the presidential one coming up later this year) but I think I am going to vote for this one guy who is a Bail Bonds man (and I even think that he may have even spent some time in prison, hard core, huh?). I am just sick of seeing all these yard signs for Mayor Heather Fargo (for who my boss' boyfriend, Dale, is the campaign manager for) and the stupid bumper stickers (with the tacky juvenile font and design) and fundraisers (like one that my boss helped throw together for Heather at some gay club called Badlands called "Feathers for Heather" which had a theme of feather boas from what I understand). Anyways, I am just ready for this to be over with. Am I bitter? No, just tired of all these attack ads and stupid mailers and phone calls at all hours of the day. Tomorrow, it will be all quiet on the Western front. Finally.

I am not done with my painting yet. Soon tho. Promise. Here is yet another photo of whats been accomplished on it. I still think that Mom and Dad would will be proud to see this.

I just need to add some more color on the top panel and do one last touch up on the whole thing. Not bad for someone who can't paint for shit.


And, Paul and I are going to see the Angels vs the A's this weekend... He surprised me today with 2 tickets for us to see them in Oakland. 3 weeks ago, we saw the Giants and the White Sox (which was a ton of fun). They are tickets for the 10th row in section 108 near the 1st base line (so I can see Casey Kotchman and all his hotness). All I need now is to make a big ass sign out of poster board and with magic markers and glitter saying something stupid about how I hear the team or something like that.


I have tons of camera phone pictures I should post one day... Maybe tomorrow after I go vote. Maybe. Time to read and sleep. Stupid period. Be gone.

What's the point of instruments... Words are a sawed off shotgun///

So,

I never got to finish that painting for Mom and Dad. I am gonna have to finish it sometime today and give it to them within the week. I just hope that they like it and appreciate it for all the hard work I put into it. I am also thinking of making more pictures like that. I guess I will have to wait and see. I need to get more small 5x7 canvas' too.

Today was fun. Took Miss Poppy to get her shots for her rabies renewal. I need to get her re-licensed with the City of Sacramento. Totally lame but the shot I got her was good for 3 years, so I don't have to go back there till some time in 2011! I'll be an old lady by then (well, technically 27, but still old to me).

We took our family photos which turned out awesome. I got the proofs via email not to long ago. I think the last time that the whole family got together for a traditional family photo (ones taken at a photography studio) was about 7 years ago... On my 18th birthday. Since then, we have all been busy with our own lives. My parents working, each one of us kids finishing high school and either heading into the workforce or in college... Its been hard to get us all together. We had fun tho. The photographer seemed to be too formal for my taste. Taking things a little too seriously. I think I could have done a better job there but, I don't work there, so yea.

We walked around the mall to kill some time after we took the photos. Paul even got me a mocha frappachino from Nordstrom's while he waited for the 5 of us to finish. We walked to Pottery Barn Crate and Barrel (apparently, Paul is reading this while I type and just had to correct me on the proper store we went to) and I got excited looking at place settings, glass ware, kitchen gadgets and bar accessories. We eventually headed over to Buca di Bepo for dinner with the family plus our significant others.

And dinner was something else. It was fun but slightly awkward at some points. It was nice to finally get to meet Matt's girlfriend. More about that later. Dad and I both took some pictures on our own cameras durring dinner, since my camera is in my car, it will have to wait till later in the day... And I have to ask Dad to email me those photos from his camera.

Before I go to sleep, I thought I would share a picture or 3 from the session today.


Yes, the pyramid. We saw this pose out in the waiting area and were talking about it for a bit. When the guy said that he wanted to try something fun, we choose this one.

The only reason why Orion is in the middle is because Matt and I were both wearing black tops. The bracelet I wore had skulls on it and I had only painted one finger nail white just because... Maybe to add some class to my style.

Originally, I was supposed to be in Orion's position sitting on Matt's back but I just couldn't get that pose right. Orion volunteered (since he was lighter too) and I tried to cover Orion's dark leg hair with my big head.

Would have been a better picture had the glare in my glasses not have been noticeable.

I was this|close to wearing a red top too... Sure glad that I didn't.


Any who, when we were done, Paul and I went to Border's to return some books and buy some new ones using the store credit he received. I got one on Frida Kahlo. I told Paul that once I get my own house, I am gonna fill the books shelves with modern art books; like Frida, Cezanne, Monet, Manet, van Gogh, Picasso, Dali, Mondrian, Matisse, Pollack and Kandinsky to name a few. One day. Ugh. A girl can dream.

Now I really will go to sleep. Paul and the cats are already waiting for me there.

No I don't want to read your thoughts anymore///

Things I hate:

-Saturday Night Live is not funny at all to me anymore. I don't know why I subject myself to watching it. I keep thinking that there might be some nugget of hope left on the show. I like seeing the bands that they have. Some are pretty good. Tonight it was My Morning Jacket, a few weeks ago Gnarls Barkley was on. And I remember others like Arcade Fire. The skits are just so pathetic. I swear they stole at least 3 jokes from 'The Office' and used them. I feel so embarrassed for them sometimes. The only good skit last nigh was one for MacGruber.


-The stupid Komen Sacramento Race for the Cure was today. Last year, the race was inside the Cal Expo fairgrounds. This year, things changed. As you can see from the wonderful map, they raced right by my fucking apartment!!! I was awoken at 7am to people running and being loud outside. I tried to put my mp3 player on and get back to sleep so I could go to my Photography final (which all I had to do was turn in my portfolio, which all I did was upload the photos online to photo bucket... I just wrote the web address on a piece of paper, put it into a box and walked out). I ended up only getting about 10 more minutes of sleep when Paul woke up all grumpy about the noise outside. By 8am, there was a shitty DJ out on the corner of Heritage and Response (which is the intersection that we live directly off of) and about 50 feet away from that, was some drummers... Taiko Drumming actually. I think there were about 6 guys in a row just beating the crap out of those drums. I couldn't park on the street, Paul and I had to park across the street in some parking lot that belong to these office buildings and also run the risk of getting a ticket. Traffic also sucked after the event. We couldn't leave out apartment till about 10am when all the runners were starting to die down a bit.

-When we left home, I took Paul with me to my class so I could turn in my final. Paul waited in the car since I was only gonna be gone for about 5 minutes. We then decided to head over to a park and have a picnic and read some of our books since it was a nice day outside. We got some sandwiches from this restaurant/ catering company called Selland's in East Sacramento off 54th and H St (I think). I got a tuna sandwich on chibata and Paul got a tri tip sandwich and a half pound of mac and cheese to share. We went to McKinley Park and ate and read some of our books. it was real peaceful out there... Then across the street, I got a parking ticket!!! Totally lame. [Edit-We also saw Mayoral Candidate Kevin Johnson canvasing the area while we were at the park reading our books.]

-We looked at apartment today in the Midtown/ Downtown area. One was on 14th and P St. called the Fremont Mews. There was a one bedroom that looked so nice and roomy but the bedroom was kinda small. We looked at some lofts off 22nd and S St. near the Sacramento Bee HQ called Whiskey Hill Lofts but they weren't that nice looking and kinda pricey. Then we looked at some town homes off 17th & D St. called Washington Park Village. They were nice. I only liked one of the 3 floor plans called "The Maybeck" but I am not ready go be buying a house... Plus, I want a yard to garden and for a dog someday.

I am trying to get my Poly Sci final done. I don't think it is gonna turn out very well but I just want to get it done and over with. I just have to make sure that it is at least 6 pages long. I am so far at 4 pages. I think if I keep making my sentences longer, it will make me sound like I know what I am talking about.

I am gonna stay up a little bit to see if I can catch The Soup at 2am... I am watching some music videos on the digital cable... There are 2 Interpol videos on there. One for 'Heinrich Maneuver' and 'No I in Threesome. I can't resist Carlos D. *sigh* What a dream boat... I need to make a list of guys who I think are attractive; like guys from bands, athletes, celebrities etc.

Ugh. Time for sleep. Mothers day is today! :) What a long ass post!


Oh, and I sold some more things on half.com!!!

Somethings gotta give...

I think I need to re-evaluate what I want from life and where I am in life currently. Lately, I have not been happy with things (I would never admit that in person, but it is truly how I feel deep inside, I just don't know how to properly convey my emotions in to words)... Mostly, certain people who I am acquainted with and the situations I am currently in. I know I am going to have to cut ties with some people I know and just shift my life around to make things work. I just don't like how things are anymore. I feel like I am loosing direction every passing second.

I keep bouncing between the thought of sticking with school and eventually getting my BFA in Art History. I don't think I have been as passionate about anything in school as I am with Art History. I only took history of modern art because it looked easy and I knew some of the art that would be discussed but I didn't think that it would become my passion ... But then after reading things like this, and realizing that I am not the best student in the world, I wonder if this is even right for someone like me. All I know is that I really don't like thinking about working in an office like this for more years... At least, not till I am in my late 20's. If I continue with school, I want to have my effin' degree by the time before I turn 30. I just hate making decisions like this. If only it was like Futurama where they give you a chip implanted in your hand with the job you are going to have.

I don't have any friends. I honestly don't think you could count my roommate, Josh, as a friend. I have known Josh for many years... We met on Live Journal and also happened to go to the same college and that's that. Since he moved in with Paul and I last January, I am noticing that I don't know anything about him. I have given up on keeping in touch with my last friend from high school. The only reason why I stopped talking to him is pretty simple yet petty at the same time. I was not only frustrated with trying to get in touch with him via text messages, short phone calls, and the all too pathetic myspace messages. To be honest, its not like I called or messages him that many times. I gave it a half assed attempt to say the least. I am just jealous. Out of nowhere, my best friend comes back to Sacramento after living in Utah (and the only reason why he went there was because of some stupid girl) and also brings that stupid girl with him back to Sacramento... Then breaks up with her and immediately starts to date another girl that we had went to high school with and with in a month, gets new girlfriend pregnant and then decided that its a good idea to marry her. I don't think I have really talked to him since his wedding in October 07. I knew that the day they married, I lost him forever. I think that is why I was so quiet at his wedding. I sat alone with Paul... I felt like an outsider. I don't think it has anything to do with jealousy (like some people would like to think) of the wife taking him away from me because I once had a crush on him in high school... I am sad that we don't talk any more... Now the baby is on the way any day now. I just wish him the best of luck.

I just knew where this thing with Paul and I was heading. I know I shouldn't be rushing into anything given my track record with dating... Being used by countless numbers of guys and in turn, using them too... Being engaged, cheated on, lied to and betrayed; you would think that I would take a break from relationships... Come this July (technically, July 25th) Paul and I will have been together for 2 years (which is the longest I have been with one person... the first guy I dated out of high school, Patrick the guy who ended up at Chico State and who turned out to be a huge man-whore, is currently in the lead with 1 year, 11 months). I don't know where he sees us in the future. I do want to eventually get married... I am not in a rush tho. And I do want a family even though I have a problem with little kids. Sometimes I wonder if he is the one I am supposed to end up with. If he is my soul mate... Sometimes, I wonder why he stays with me when I am so much drama sometimes. We fight so much sometimes. I am just so confused. Then again, I am half to blame. Maybe I am more to blame then he is.

I need a vacation.

Infidel to die for what I am doing///

Guess what? I finally started to write my stupid paper for my Political Science class. After I posted last night, I laid in bed and started to crunch out ideas. I got one full page of ideas and thoughts down. I just need to keep going like I did last night. I don't want to keep procrastinating. The sooner I get this thing done, the better. Promise. Plus, it will be one less thing to worry about. I figured that if I keep at this pace for the rest of the week, the paper should be a breeze from that point.

I know there was something that I wanted to write down real bad. I didn't go home for lunch today since Paul sent me an email telling me he was going to lunch with his work. I sat in my car listening to my mp3 player. The hour went by so slowly. It was nice to be outside for once in the middle of the day. It was warm but real windy which made it the perfect day to just sit with the windows down. I was thinking about the mixed CD that I am [still] gonna make for my special lady friend. I hope it will turn out as well as I think it will in my head. The only time I am truly happy now is when I am surrounded by music or art (and Paul, duh). Trust me, when I was down stairs, I did not want to come back up for work.

Work is... work. I'll have to get more detailed on that subject some other time. Like when I have 100% to vent and get this monkey of my back.

& then she said "These things will kill ya..."

Blah. I have totally forgotten how much I liked watching Hells Kitchen. The cooks aren't as good as last years group (well, from what I am seeing right now). But none the less, it is entertaining. I told Paul that this would be the perfect show to watch and attempt to play a drinking game too. But when am I ever gonna get a weekday off!? Answer: Never.

I, with Paul's permission, took a straight iron to his hair and tried to flatten it out. It actually turned out pretty good and he looks good too. He started to make fun of how he looked and said that he looked like a guy from AFI. I wonder if there is a way to semi-permanently get his hair to stay nice and flat.

We made chocolate covered strawberries also. We had a basket of them and we needed to use the fruit before it went bad and I hate wasting food, especially ones from Whole Foods since they cost like 2 times more then the regular grocery store. We also attempted to make some chocolate coverd bananas too.

I really need to start on that damn paper. I think I am gonna do it now. No time like the present.