I can tell you have the best intentions; one of those simple inventions... Now that I have your attntion///

Song of the Day: Reggie and The Full Effect> Congratulations Smack and Katy


Tonight: Happy Hour with Mom and Dad.
Should be interesting. One drink for me... For good measure.

Take your pictures down, shake it out///

Song of the Day: Paramore> My Hero


-Spent evening with Dad. Gave him the new headphones for Father's Day. He loved it.
-Recovered well from last nights debauchery. Legs hurt so bad tho.
-Confident in my abilities for tomorrows math test.
-Finally going to finish painting the bedroom next weekend.
-Sold another old CD on half. It feels good to be rid of that useless crap.
-Want to finish cleaning/ redecorating my craft/ spare room.
-Tired.

-I <3 Peaches... The singer... And also the fruit... But more so the singer.

But my heart will still jump because to me, they look the same///

Song of the Day:: Ima Robot> Black Jettas
*When I lived with my parents, I would play this song and dance around Jetta in my bedroom.




Dad sent me a text message after I had gotten out of the shower @ 715am. He usually doesn't send many texts (unless he wants something).

Dad - Bring my shovel. I need to bury Jetta.
Manda - She died?
Dad - No Amanda, I just want to bury her... Of course she died.
Manda - When did this happen?
Dad - Last night.
Manda - I'll bring it after work. Is that okay?
Dad - Sure. She is not going anywhere.

Funny, when my Grandma died in April I found out on a Friday too. What a way to start off a weekend. Burring the dog I got when I was 13. *sigh* She lived a long life. She even out lived some of the cats that she helped raise when their mom died.




This is the only photo of here that I can find at the moment. She got real sick during Christmas time and I thought we were going to loose her then. Mom had to feed her with a eyedropper. Not long after that, she lost her vision. She had a hard time dealing with being blind. She would run into the walls, furniture and would trip in the doorway getting in and out of the house. Mom called her a "roomba" because when she was outside, she would walk in circles. She, like my Grandma, never lost her spunk. She lost quite a bit of weight in her last few months but she was always excited to see hear that Paul and I were over visiting my parents. I miss her so much. She was the best thing about growing up at my parents house. She will always be my special girl... My parents use to call us sisters (we both had long black messy hair)... I wish the people I love most in the world would stop dying.

She is sleeping with the angels now... Having a blast with my Grandma and Grandpa. She lived a great 13 years... The best 13 years ever.


RIP Jetta Ramirez
10/31/96 - 6/4/09

Mom...

Happy Mothers Day, Mom.

(and Grandma too... I miss you so much)

<3<3<3

Every man, & every woman needs someone... So keep it coming///

Song of the Day: New Order> Crystal


School is going along quite well. The year is almost over then starts the Summer session and then one more year in community college and I will be entering Sacramento State University as a transfer student.

Still working on my crocheting bags. I like the feeling I get when I am done with the project. I showed off my favorite bags with my family while at my Grandma's funeral and got lots of positive feed back. Aunt Cathy is sending me some bags from So. Cal. The more I make, the more I can sell. Dad said that he knows of lots of ladies at his work who would love one. Score!


And now, a picture...


I think This is my favorite photo of my brothers. I think I will print this one out and give it to them as a little gift from our bonding in So. Cal last week.

I'll keep your eyes wide open tonight... Keep the car on the road now///

Song of the Day: Editors> Camara

Not much going on since Grandma died...
[well, technically, there was quite a bit that happened but I will post about it later as things develop]

I went on a walk around my new neighborhood today... Enough time to clear my head about what is going on in my life.

Heading down to Los Angeles Thursday thru Sunday to be with family and for Grandma's funeral on Friday in Whittier.

I think I will use some of my bonus from work to get a new tattoo in the memory of Grandma and one for Grandpa too while I am back home.

Another day approaches.

-m

RIP Grandma...

My Mom called me
and told me that
Grandma passed away @ 930 this morning.


What a wonderful way to
start the weekend.


I miss her so much.
fuck.
More info as it comes in.


-Amanda

stop.collaborate.listen

I need to stop worrying about my Grandma. I almost cried in class tonight thinking about her. This whole thing is driving me insane. Ugh. And I am still not done with my Art paper!!!

Say goodbye to everyone you have ever known... You are not gonna see them ever again///

Song of the Day: Editors> Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors

We've all been changed
From what we were
Our broken parts
Left smashed off the floor

[How ironic. I have found this awesome band via Pandora and I have now come to love them. While I write this entry, this song comes on and sums up what it going on inside of me. Stupid music.]


Ugh. My Grandma isn't doing well. I can tell. And I don't like thinking like that. Today was supposed to be a great day. I wanted it to be a awesome day. And now, I am saddened beyond belief.

After last night seeing my Dad's band play, Paul and I came home and went to sleep. We woke up, watched some sports highlights from the night before, got dressed and went to the Farmers Market near the house to buy some veggies, made some corned beef and hash burritos for breakfast, watched some NCAA basketball games, watched some movies that Paul had downloaded a while ago and worked on my crocheted bags.

I got a call on my phone. I didn't answer it immediately. I just let it go to voice mail. I went to the phone minutes later and saw that my Grandma had called. I thought it was odd because she usually doesn't call me too ofter, I call her. I listened to the message and it was actually from my Aunt Rosemary who lives in Houston, Texas. She said that she was down there with Grandma and that she (my Grandma) wanted to talk to me. I figured I would call her later on, and I continued to watch the movie with Paul. Minutes later, I got a call from my Mom telling me to call my Grandma. I said okay, hung up the phone and watched the last 6 minutes of the movie.

I called my Grandma and talked to her. I could hear the pain in her voice. Last night when my Mom came over to our house, she showed me photos of when she was last down in Los Angeles to visit Grandma. She looked so frail. So fragile. She didn't look like the Grandma I have know for 25 years. She looked like someone completely different. She looked like her time was/ is coming up. I could barely look at the photos. And I could see those photos in my head as I talked to her on the phone. Every sentence I said was followed by a 10 second pause then her response. I know my Grandma knows that she is not going to last long. I know she isn't that dumb or naive. I didn't want her to think that I was thinking that too, so I asked her the usual questions that I do when I call her for a chat: How are you doing out there? Whats the weather like for you guys? How is the rest of the family doing too? I love talking to my Grandma. She loves to hear about what I am up to, how my job and school work is going, how Paul and the Kittens are, and she just likes to hear from one of her grand kids. And I love telling her everything.

I sent my Mom the following message after I talked to Grandma:

Amanda- "Grandma sounds so weak"
Mom- "I know. She is saying good bye"
Amanda- "She isn't gonna last long, is she?"
Mom- "No"

Mom said that they think she only has about a month left. I can't loose her. This sucks.

Ugh. Yep, ugh.

Ugh. I think that is the official word of the day.

The day is over. boutfuckingtime. A recap, since its almost time to get some sleep (unfortunately, another day is a few short hours away).



-Work was actually fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. (which is a good thing) I wish I could go outside more. Today was the most beautiful day all year. Dare to dream.

-Started my English Comp. class today. The teacher was a little dull (a typical English Prof.) but he warmed up a little more towards the end of the night. I have my first reading assignment that's due on Thursday but my 'effing book still hasn't come in from half.com that I ordered over a week ago.

-Wished my younger brother, Matt, a happy 23rd birthday. Makes me feel old knowing that my younger brother is now 23 and my youngest one will be 20 at the end of the year. Ugh, I am such an old lady for being only 25.

-Stupid Ikea computer chair broke on me... while I was sitting in it. Grrr. I fell on the hardwood floor on my knees and hands. Now I get to waste money and buy a new one. Joy. Using one of the dining room chairs is not the most glamorous thing. My right arm hurts now. Seriously.

-Poppy, my girl cat who isn't the brightest crayon in the box, is now following the laser pointer. Beasley loves it. He chases it all over the house and now, Poppy is getting the hang of it too. I am happy. I was beginning to think that I was the owner of a ditzy cat.

-Selling more things off my half.com account. I just want to get rid of this crap more then anything. Plus, making about $50 extra every 2 weeks is a nice thing.

-Planning on selling my crocheted plastic bags. I just need to finish them and not let my cats eat a hole in them. Good luck on that. But who would actually buy something made by me?

I’ll never let you go If you promise not to fade away///

Song of the day: Muse> Starlight

So, what is going on in the world of me?

-School is in full swing. Almost regret taking 2 Art History classes at the same time (only because of the teachers contradicting each other).

-Settling nicely in to 'St. George'. Constantly thinking of new things to decorate and unpack (still). Beasley and Poppy have gotten use to the new home. Finding new hiding places... New sunbathing spots... Running around on hardwood flooring... Poppy exploring the backyard with me.

-Realized that Paul and I are not home as much as we once were... Working full time and going to school full time (part time for me) is not fun. But, Paul has one more full year of school and will hopefully be a graduate of the University of California, Sacramento by Winter 2010.

-Jetta (my dog that lives at my parents house) is blind now. It kills me inside knowing that. She is going to be 13 years old this Halloween. She has lived a long life and I love her more then any other dog I have had. Mom says that she is doing well and knows that she is blind. She keeps bumping into things (like the walls and the couches and people's legs). Life is strange...

and most importantly...
-My Grandmother is dying. I can't even think of the thought of her leaving this world. My last grandparent. I think the moment when I knew that she really isn't doing well (and approaching the end of her life) was when my Mom asked me for my social security number and telling me that my brothers (and myself included) and other cousins are beneficiaries for her estate. *sigh* Not good. Seriously. Everyday is another battle... All I can do is hope for the best and pray (which being an Atheist, will be quite hard) that my Grandma will be alright. Oh yeah, her 77th birthday is in 2 weeks... My Grandpa (who died when I was 12 in 1997) would have been 75 on this coming Thursday... Jeebus.

06.24.08 - The commute...

06.24.08_1
Originally uploaded by Amanda.

Tuesday... Lame. No patients in the morning is the only thing that I looked forward to. One of the easier days of the week... I am still counting down the days till Summer vacation!!! Today, I saw Dad on the freeway (CCF... Capital City Freeway... Business Loop 80... Biz 80... etc) on my way to work. I don't know if you can see him (I really did try to take a better photo of him but doing so while driving isn't that easy as you would think). Sometimes, I'll see him this way once a week at least... I think its fun. At least I can see my Dad more often then some do.

What's the point of instruments... Words are a sawed off shotgun///

So,

I never got to finish that painting for Mom and Dad. I am gonna have to finish it sometime today and give it to them within the week. I just hope that they like it and appreciate it for all the hard work I put into it. I am also thinking of making more pictures like that. I guess I will have to wait and see. I need to get more small 5x7 canvas' too.

Today was fun. Took Miss Poppy to get her shots for her rabies renewal. I need to get her re-licensed with the City of Sacramento. Totally lame but the shot I got her was good for 3 years, so I don't have to go back there till some time in 2011! I'll be an old lady by then (well, technically 27, but still old to me).

We took our family photos which turned out awesome. I got the proofs via email not to long ago. I think the last time that the whole family got together for a traditional family photo (ones taken at a photography studio) was about 7 years ago... On my 18th birthday. Since then, we have all been busy with our own lives. My parents working, each one of us kids finishing high school and either heading into the workforce or in college... Its been hard to get us all together. We had fun tho. The photographer seemed to be too formal for my taste. Taking things a little too seriously. I think I could have done a better job there but, I don't work there, so yea.

We walked around the mall to kill some time after we took the photos. Paul even got me a mocha frappachino from Nordstrom's while he waited for the 5 of us to finish. We walked to Pottery Barn Crate and Barrel (apparently, Paul is reading this while I type and just had to correct me on the proper store we went to) and I got excited looking at place settings, glass ware, kitchen gadgets and bar accessories. We eventually headed over to Buca di Bepo for dinner with the family plus our significant others.

And dinner was something else. It was fun but slightly awkward at some points. It was nice to finally get to meet Matt's girlfriend. More about that later. Dad and I both took some pictures on our own cameras durring dinner, since my camera is in my car, it will have to wait till later in the day... And I have to ask Dad to email me those photos from his camera.

Before I go to sleep, I thought I would share a picture or 3 from the session today.


Yes, the pyramid. We saw this pose out in the waiting area and were talking about it for a bit. When the guy said that he wanted to try something fun, we choose this one.

The only reason why Orion is in the middle is because Matt and I were both wearing black tops. The bracelet I wore had skulls on it and I had only painted one finger nail white just because... Maybe to add some class to my style.

Originally, I was supposed to be in Orion's position sitting on Matt's back but I just couldn't get that pose right. Orion volunteered (since he was lighter too) and I tried to cover Orion's dark leg hair with my big head.

Would have been a better picture had the glare in my glasses not have been noticeable.

I was this|close to wearing a red top too... Sure glad that I didn't.


Any who, when we were done, Paul and I went to Border's to return some books and buy some new ones using the store credit he received. I got one on Frida Kahlo. I told Paul that once I get my own house, I am gonna fill the books shelves with modern art books; like Frida, Cezanne, Monet, Manet, van Gogh, Picasso, Dali, Mondrian, Matisse, Pollack and Kandinsky to name a few. One day. Ugh. A girl can dream.

Now I really will go to sleep. Paul and the cats are already waiting for me there.

heartheart

To Mom,

Happy Mother's Day... 24 years and counting. You're the best.

Love,
Amanda Ruth