2012... #43

I write this while at the library at wonderful Sac State. Pmiles is sitting across from me doing some research for a paper in one of his classes and I am on the other side listening to the amazing Scott Pilgrim vs. The World soundtrack and finishing up some homework before I start reading an uber dense art history book. I am so glad that I have this music to keep me going today.

The weeks are going by so fast. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind. Blah. Who cares? After studying we are going over to the well to work out. The last time we went there was last Thursday morning... I need to get back in gear. The wedding is coming up soon. 6 months, 14 days... or 28 weeks... or 196 days. I wonder if it is even possible to get from 195 to 150 by then. Ugh.

Scrimmage.

Brand New>  The Archer's Bows Are Broken.

I must say, this weekend has been one of the most entertaining ones in a long time with P out of town.

Thursday, he left in the early afternoon for Los Angeles and I had practice like usual from 8 to 11pm. We had a personal trainer come to the warehouse and showing us girls about some basic work out moves we can do at home. My right shoulder is still a bit sore from doing squats while holding a 20lb weight up in the air. We did 10 to 1 pace line (where you skate 10 laps then do 10 push ups and 10 sit ups then do 9 laps followed by the push ups/ sit ups counting down to 1). I started to get spasms in my back when I finished my 8th go (I managed to do 27 laps tho!). We ended up watching the other girls scrimmage which was fun.

Friday, I stayed home and relaxed. I have been trying to listen to all the music that I have on my itunes in alphabetical order (by song title) and essentially getting rid of songs that are duplicates or songs that I have outgrown (like my goth/rap metal phase in high school, etc). At this moment, I am still in the letter 'A' but I have listened to about 200 songs. I started out with 7139 songs spanning approximately 18 days, 18 hours, 14 minutes and 07 seconds.

Saturday, I wanted to sleep in and do nothing on such a beautiful and sunny day. I decided to spend my day at practice instead. Lord knows that I need the time to work on my crossing over and stride. I had to drop out of pace line when my right calf/ shin decided to spasm up. I almost fell on the track because my legs felt like they were going to fail on me. 3 hours later and a sore body, I came to the realization that I had one of the best practices in a long time. I am doing much better on my snow plows and t-stops and was hitting the bag really hard and effectively with my hip! I am crossing my fingers that I end up being one of the best hip checkers in the league. Later, I went to one of my "derby sisters" house with others from the team to watch movies and hang out. I ended up eating lots of pizza, drinking my huge apple/ pear hard cider and singing to Lady GaGa's "Poker Face". On the way home, I stopped by my brothers house to hang out and give him some video games that I had. I did not go to sleep till about 3am!

Today (Sunday), I woke up early (9:30ish) and got ready to watch the Sacrificers scrimmage against B.A.D. Girls newest home team TheBerkeleyResistance at the warehouse. I originally went to watch but I ended up becoming the penalty box time keeper instead. I enjoyed it. We (Sacred) won 228 to 49. The whole time I was there watching each jam, it got me more excited about playing and being on the team. A trip to Target, domestic obligations around the house... I am spent. P comes home tomorrow which is also my first day at school! Should be an interesting day. When is my life not interesting these days?

Throwing truffles to the dying embers///

Song of the Day:  Beck> New Pollution

Wow. It has been a long time since I have had the time to write in this wonderful little blog of mine. I know so much has happened in my precious little life, but some things are not worth mentioning or remembering. There are only a handful of good things to report:

-College life resumes on August 30th. I will be starting my Junior year and finishing up my wonderful art history degree. A few weeks ago, I took this writing assessment to see if I need to take a English class or if I can just take a "writing intensive" class. Hopefully, I will know something by Friday.

-I am a roller derby girl. Back in July, I tried out to become a member of the Sacred City Derby Girls. I passed the test and I am now a "Fresh Meat" member! The training is not fun. Last week, we had 2 days back to back of 3 hour practices. I was sore for 3 days! I just came home from practice today. I know this pain is worth it. Someday, "Manda Smash" will make her derby debut. I am so happy that I am making new friends (cause I don't have too many lady friends) and getting a hardcore work out will be greatly appreciated... Especially if it gets me under 200lbs!

-Paul and I celebrated our 4th year together. I am so glad that my best friend is the person that I want to spend my life with and get old and crazy with. His birthday is coming up soon. He will be 28, then, 4 months later, I will be 27.

-Tomorrow: Seeing the "screening" of "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World". Coincidentally, one of my new derby friends is going too. Small world.

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me... The best of us can find happiness in misery///

And now I am a government employee. Well. Technically not till next Wednesday. But still, I am very happy. It's only temporary but I will be making more there then my last boss ever paid me, so I am not complaining.

Tomorrow, hanging out with my brother in Roseville and then my wonderful Astronomy lab. I have so much catching up to do on my Finance and Islamic art classes... And I have to write a paper in my art class too by May4th... AND my finance project is coming up too. Oh, did I also mention that I have to take a placement class for English at Sac State and sign up for the Transfer Student New Student Orientation? Ah. So much stuff happening all at once. It will keep me busy and if it gets me closer to my BA in Art History, then so be it. Its the sacrifice I have to make.

Time for bed. Maybe I will do some reading for Art... Ugh. I need to find better sleeping pills that don't make me like a super bitch in the morning!

Life like wonder...

Ah. I have another interview today. 1130am. In Roseville. For a medical records receptionist. Cross your fingers. Class tonight. I am counting down the days till school is done. But I am also real excited about taking some classes this summer and fall classes starting at Sac State! I am overall excited about life. 4 months into the year so far and everything is good. Paul is set to graduate next month. We might go on a trip after, which means that I need to get started on getting my passport soon!!!

Wondering...

Would I be selfish if I wondered when I will get married? I know that being married is just legality and other stuff and we live our life like we practically are married anyways... But a girl can dream tho. I am just kinda jealous of seeing my friends getting to that point and I haven't yet. I should just be lucky I have someone who has been there for me for almost 4 years now. Being together that long makes me know that when we do get to that point, it will be worth it. I am not a huge fan of getting engaged when they have only been dating for a short time.

Why split these states when there can be only one?///

Since I have a moment before I head off to bed, I thought I would write a quick update in the life of me (while Beasley sits on my desk looking so very cute).

I had the interview with that law firm on Friday night. I admit, I was real nervous on the drive there. I don't know why. I liked the people that were there (2 lawyers and one CPA) and the whole thing lasted about 15 minutes. As of now, I have not heard back from them. It kinda makes me sad. I really could use this job. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hope that they call me back and offer me the job. I had a phone interview on Monday for an insurance company. I did well on that interview and the guy said he would call me back soon to have me come in for an actual interview... I haven't heard back from him either. I am still not giving up hope.

I got another unemployment check. Its nice having money again. I just wish it was a pay check from a job tho. I am becoming slightly crazy being home all day. But on Sunday, I went to my brothers apartment and we all (me, Paul, Mateo, Orion and Alison) went to the auction to look for a bike for Paul and Mateo helped to get my old bike fixed up. I have been going on a bike ride every day as part of my exercise. I like it. I just need to get an awesome helmet and maybe a better seat. I am trying to keep track of the rides on a google map.

Time to hop in bed. I am going to try to read another chapter of my Chuck Klosterman book. More in the morning.

I'll take a quiet life, a handshake of carbon monoxide///

I feel bad. Here I made resolutions and yet I don't think I have kept up with them as well as I would have liked to. The best news is that I haven't gained any more weight so far. Paul and I have been trying to do our best to change our eating habits. It is hard. We both really love food. He loves to cook and we do a good job of it too! We have been cutting our portions and also trying to eat more veggies and make our own food vs. eating out (which helps me out since I am on a fixed income at the moment). I am still hovering around 203 at the moment. It has been so cold to go to the garage and get on the treadmill (which I know is an excuse and that's my problem) but I have been cutting on the snacking while spending my days at home.

I have been sending tons of resumes online via craigslist. It has paid off some what. I had an interview this Tuesday for a dentist office in Midtown (which is coincidentally one block from where I was previously employed which would have been awkward for me) but I don’t think I will get the job. They apparently want someone who has experience with a dental office. I don’t have that. The thing that ticked me off more then anything was that the lady didn’t seem like I could do well in that office. She kept telling me that they wanted someone who knows their program, blah blah blah. I think the whole interview lasted a whopping 5 minutes. Tonight, I have another interview with a law firm that is walking distance to Sac State!!! It couldn't be any better then that. I am crossing my fingers that this is the big break that I am looking for. And if this isn’t the job for me, at least I got the chance to get interviewed.

My first unemployment check came in yesterday. It wasn’t much but its money that I can definitely use to get by. I also get paid from the three days I did temp work for those apartments. I know it will only be a little bit but it’s a good feeling to have some sort of money coming in with my name on it. I am kind of glad to have had this experience. It has taught me who I really can trust in life, people who I knew were back stabbers all along but yet chose to see the good in instead of seeing them for the evil bastards that they really are, and I have come to value the things that really matter in life to me. I have grown up. I am better then I was. I am no longer a weakling that others can push around and control.

I guess this is an update blog entry. And today, I am happy. I have a life that is wonderful. A life that is full of love. I have the cats to keep me company at home. Beasley loves to chat with me and get my attention when ever he can. He meows all the time and then comes to hang out with me on the window ledge in my “study” and watch the birds fly by or the squirrels play in the trees. He hangs out with me when I do my gardening in the back yard (my next project is to start an herb garden in the back yard) or when I am working on an art project. And Poppy loves to be a princess and sleep on the couch all day long. I am a lucky girl. End of story.

The death of v1.0 & the resurection of v2.0...

The new year is almost upon us. Enter the sound of relief. The whole idea of entering a new year, let alone a new decade makes me both happy & sad. Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of a new start & the new adventures that the year brings but I feel like I have wasted yet another year with random bull shit. But life is like that some times, something I have learned this year. It's like the theme song to 'The Facts of Life': You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both & there you have the facts of life, the facts of life. A life with no mistakes is not a way to live. I wish I believed that sometimes.

So here I am. 26 years old. 2 weeks & 2 days technically speaking. I have always felt that mentally I am older then the age I really am, but sometimes I still enjoy being a kid at heart. Anyways, what do I have to show for being 26? Not that much if you ask me. I got fired recently from my job of 4 years, I am in my last semester at a community college waiting anxiously to hear back from California State University, Sacramento on their decision to study there and obtain my Bachelors degree in Art History & I am currently working a temp job since no one is really hiring for jobs at the moment. I do have a family who loves me very much & also a wonderful boyfriend who I have had the honor to share the last 3.5 years with (& our two precious cats who make me remember that every little thing is going to be alright).

I am just so scared right now. I feel like since my douche bag of an ex-boss fired me, my life has been alter drastically. My depression has come back worse then ever & I have the feeling of hopelessness at times. I know I have to keep on going with my life. I have to tell myself that what happened was done for a reason. If I didn't get fired, I would probably be working there for many years & never seek anything more for myself. Even though I don't believe in any religion (yes, I am agnostic), I know that this event was some sort of divine intervention. Someone up there knows that I am better then being yelled at & bullied around by a boss who takes their employee for granted. I know that my Grandma & Grandpa are up in some sort of heaven place making sure that I am well taken care of. I know it sounds silly, but I think that they are protecting me. They both want me to be as successful as they know I can be. They want me to be happy & enjoy all that this adventure called life has to offer to me.

So as I, yet again wipe the tears from my eyes, I know that karma will have her revenge for what has happened to me. Those parties involved will get what is coming to them, whether it be tomorrow or years from now & karma will reward me with what she sees fit for being the best person I know I am & can be. This is my life. The success that I have in life will be because of the work, effort & patients that I have given.

I am glad that the year & decade is now almost over. I will graduate college, become a curator at a museum, marry that special guy & start a family... & it will happen someday. I feel like the old Amanda is leaving & staying in the past so that a new & improved Amanda (version 2.0) can emerge. Only 2 more days till that idea becomes a reality.

Happy Birthday!

So,

I have been 26 for 1 hour and 16 minutes...


Great.

I'm living in cloud cuckoo land///

I am still amazed by how fast this month has gone by. It was barley the beginning of the month not too long ago! Soon, Halloween will be here... Then, that same weekend, my youngest brother will be 20 years old... Dad will be 50 the week after that... Thanksgiving is around the corner... Then my 26th birthday two weeks after that... The end of the Fall 2009 semester and then Christmas. How the days have gone by. Before I know it, I will be heading to a University for my first day of college (again).

I toured the UC Davis campus last a few weekends ago with Paul. I think that I am leaning towards Davis vs. Sac State. I don't know what will happen in the future but I think that this is the best place for me. I still need to apply and then the ball is in the colleges courts. I got a B in my US History class. I am so excited. All I need now is to pass the math class I am now taking and I should be all set for transferring!

I know more stuff has been happening in my world. I am just too tired to remember it all at the moment. Bear with me. Life is gonna get interesting soon.

I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!///

I tell you, I simply can not wait for the weekend. I have so many things to do and I feel like I will not have enough time to accomplish them. I have a paper due next week that I totally forgot about. The problem is, I need this class in order to transfer to Sac State. I wish I hadn't goofed off this long in school. I could have been there years ago! Other then that, life is pretty good. My right wrist has been hurting me today. I had the Doctor take an x-ray of it and it looks alright... He rubbed it this morning and it hurt so bad. I am now going to need an arm brace because I apparently have wrist tendonitis. Joy!

I hate it when:

• people who have only been to a place once talk about that place like they are an expert in it. For example, people who have only been to a foreign country one time and when they talk to other people about it, the come off like an expert in everything about that place. Drives me nuts.
• deadlines come up faster then expected. I have to read a book and write a 6 page paper on it by Tuesday. I think I can do it. I just need to be optimistic about it and work hard. Wish me luck on that.

I never statutory raped anyone before///

And like that, my weekend is over. Sometimes, I wish I could be out of work forever. I don't know how fulfilled my life would be but it sounds nice every now and then. The one good thing about this week is the good Doctor is going to be out of the office for most of Friday. We are spending the day packing for the big move come November. I don't know how that is going to happen. There are lots of things that I honestly don't want to think about.

I did the tour @ Sac State on Saturday. The bus ride there was quite enjoyable. 30 minutes and the whole thing was free! I think that I might end up there after all. I looked at the info of UC Davis and I have apparently missed the deadline for applying to UC Davis. There is a Preview Day @ Davis coming up in 2 weeks. I signed up for that one. I talked to Paul about school and we came up to some ideas. I only need 10 more units to transfer to Sac State for Fall 2010. I need those units by the end of Spring 2010. My ultimate goal would be to get my BA @ Sac State and then go to UC Davis to get my Masters in Art History. A pipe dream? Maybe. But I think it can happen.


I hate it when:

• I have to watch someone bomb a public speaking gig. At the Preview Day @ Sac State, they had speakers talk about different important topics like admissions, financial aide and housing on campus. The one guy who did the on campus housing bombed big time. He seemed like he was totally unprepared. He was stuttering, stammering and pausing for long periods of time thought the presentation. I felt so embarrassed for the guy that I wish I could have hugged him or something. I left the question and answer part early. I just couldn't handle it any more. After the whole thing, I kept hearing people talk about how painful the whole thing was. I am glad I was not the only one.
• people wear Coach shoes. I think they are the ugliest shoes in the world. Like I need to know that you have money for those shitty ass things! One of the ladies who was doing the campus tour had those shoes. I am glad that this person choose to keep it real at school.
• I have to watch Norte Dame football fans. I think that the players are douche bags, the fans are douche bags and they are just so fucking overrated. They are almost as bad as Raiders fans. And Raiders fans are pretty bad... I know that for a fact.
  

Time for bed. Tomorrow is payday. Life will be good again.

That gypsy son of a bitch burned us///

I am soooo happy that it is finally Friday. The week is finally coming to an end. I suppose it will be ending in a few more hours but who is counting? I am excited for Monday (I normally wouldn't but Monday is payday and I am so beyond broke, its not even funny). Tomorrow, I wake early for a day of excitement. I am heading out to Sac State for Preview Day. If all goes well, I will be entering the college for Fall 2010 semester. I am real excited about the future now. I know deep down that Grandma would be proud of me that I am following my dreams and will be (someday) making them a reality. Since I am broke, I will be riding the bus (I haven't taken public transportation too much here in Sacramento besides the Light Rail) and its perfect because there is a bus stop up the street from where I live and it takes me right to Sac State!!!

Tomorrow, Paul has a big test. Its the CBEST. He wants to become a teacher someday and has to take this test as the first step towards that goal. I am so proud of him. I hope he does well on the test. I know how much this whole thing means to him.

And now, since I mentioned all the good things going on, here is more to add to my list of things that I hate...

I hate when:

• people talk loud in an office waiting room. Here at my work, there are a few patients who are like that. I am not sure if they really don't know how loud they really are (I am that way according to Paul) or if these people are just obnoxious and think they are THAT important. I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning and there were a few people who were doing this. Drove me nuts. I almost wish that I had brought my mp3 player to listen to... since I ended up waiting about an hour to see my stupid doctor! Which brings me to...
• I had to wait for my doctor for almost an hour! I know it would have been longer if I didn't walk up to the stupid receptionist and complain about the wait. I had a 1030am appointment and didn't get in till about 1130ish. I had even shown up a little early (like by 10 minutes). I almost walked out and just said "fuck it" but I was already there. Then, they keep me there at the office for almost 2 hours doing test and crap on me... I didn't even get to do my pap smear/ gyno check up that I was supposed to be scheduled for. Part of me wants to find a new doctor but I have been with this practice since I was a teenager. Good news to this story: I do feel justified now... I stole a fake hand from the room I was doing my check up in. Its pretty cool too. Its clear and there is a skeleton inside (fake, mind you) and I put my "prize" on the mantle in the house as an inside joke.

I am feeling optimistic about life. I know things will get better. It has to be, right? Oh, when I get paid, I am SO pre-ordering the new Ratchet & Clank game. This fact will be the one thing that will get me thru most of the month! Only 25 more days to go!

Dead like disco...

Things I hate:

People dying.

Yeah, I know that for the most case, people can't control when and how they die (like my Grandma for example). Unexpected deaths are not my favorite... Jetta (my dog) died suddenly earlier this month and now 3 celebrities and one person I knew died... Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson... And a patient here at my work.

In honor of Michael, I am listening to 3 of his albums here in the office. 'Thriller' is my all time favorite tho.

Today sucks.


Oh yeah, I have a math test today too... I don't think I will do well.

You ask for understanding beauty, well that's more than I could ever give you now///

Song of the Day: Mellowdrone> Amazing



Maybe its the fact that I am tired... and slightly cranky... or maybe, I have just had it to here (holds her hand up to her forehead), but I got to thinking just now...



Can tell me who 'DOC DOC LLC' is?

I have noticed that they read my blog a lot.

My blog logs each person/ IP address that stumbles across this page... People from Finland to Mexico, Poland to Lithuania, and all over the country have read my rants and adventures. I know when I stumble on it and when my friend old acquaintance in San Francisco read it too...

I have a feeling i know who it is tho.

Correction, I know who it is.

I wonder what they think they can find by looking me up so many times... Today (6/19/09) @ 5:46pm, earlier that same day @ 4:48pm; Monday (6/15/09) @ 4:16pm and so on...

Despite the fact that one would believe I keep all my personal thoughts and secrets on my blog (which, long ago, I once did. I wrote about everything on my mind from the time I was 15 as a junior in high school till my mid 20's), I don't... So, if you feel so inclined to keep on snooping around, why don't you just man up and ask. I may come off as slow or dimwitted, but I am so much smarter and cunning then I portray. You have no idea the things I know, so stop being a brown-noser and get a life, leave this pissed off 25 year old woman alone!

Oh well, I love IP addresses... Its a dead give away to their location/ identity.

Thank you.


-Amanda

PS: By the way, congrats on trying to be sneaky. Try harder next time, kthxbye.

WTF!

< / start rant >


So apparently KWOD 106.5 (the local "alternative" radio station in Sacramento) decided to cease being. Which is fine since I only listen to my mp3 player when in the car and use Pandora.com while on the interwebs. BUT, I had over 660,000 points in their "listener loyalty program" online with the hopes of wining tickets to concerts this summer (like I usually do). WTF!!!! Seriously! I want to punch someone or something! PS: I am tired and half asleep!


< / end rant >

Mother fountain or live or not at all///

Song of the Day: Massive Attack> Black Milk

Things I am looking forward to:

Summer and Fall classes. Here is what is on my plate for the next 2 semesters...

Summer 2009:

MATH 120 - Intermediate Algebra @ Sacramento City College. MTuWTh 615 to 845pm. 6/15/08 to 8/7/09. 5 units.
This course reviews and extends the concepts of elementary algebra, with problem solving skills emphasized throughout. Topics that are reviewed and extended include: linear and quadratic equations, factoring polynomials, rational expressions, exponents, radicals, equations of lines, and systems of equations. New topics include: graphs and their translations and reflections, functions, exponential and logarithmic functions, graphs of quadratic and polynomial functions, nonlinear systems of equations, polynomial, rational and absolute value inequalities, and an introduction to conic sections.


Fall 2009:

ART 300 - Elementary Drawing and Composition @ American River College (Natomas). MW 6 to 820pm. 8/22/09 to 12/17/09. 3 units.
This course is a studio class in drawing and composition. Lectures and discussions stress the fundamental discipline related to the visualization of concrete or abstract concepts. Practice in drawing and development of content will be emphasized.

HIST 311 - History of the United States @ Sacramento City College (Downtown). TuTh 530 to 840pm. 8/22/09 to 10/16/09. 3 units.
This course covers the development of American Institutions and society from Reconstruction to the present and partially fulfills American Institutions requirements. The course emphasizes the role played by political, economic, social, cultural, and intellectual forces on the culture and development of multiple ethnic groups in a comparative format.

MATH 300 - Introduction to Mathematical Ideas @ American River College (Natomas). TuTh 6 to 9pm. 10/17/09 to 12/11/09. 3 units.
This course focuses on elements of mathematical systems. It is designed to make fundamental concepts and processes more meaningful to the general student. Its content may include systems, logic, geometry, combinatorics, probability, statistics, sets, matrices, and number theory. Not recommended for students entering elementary school teaching or business administration majors.

Hopefully, all I will need are a few more classes and then I can work on transferring to a bigger school. Paul took me to UC Davis on Saturday to check out the campus (I was pretty familiar with it, I dated a guy who lived in Davis and we would head to the campus from time to time). I really liked it there and their Art History program looks really good. Not to mention that Wayne Thiebaud is an honorary professor there. And I also have his calender in my kitchen too (yes, I am a dork... I love having calenders of artist in the house. Paul has one of Wassily Kandinsky in the bedroom... Speaking of Kandinsky, he died on my birthday in 1944. Odd). Thiebaud is one of my favorite modern artist (Picasso is my idol) and a local Sacramento native.

I don't know if I could afford $20,000 a year on school tho. Even if it is only for 2 more years while I get my Bachelors degree. Sac State is much cheaper tho. I don't know if I really want to stay in Sacramento tho. I love it here, my family is here, Paul and I have a life here. Who knows anymore. I want to live up to my promise I made to Grandma before she died. I told her that I want to work in a museum. Its the one passion and goal I have in my life. I don't care how long it will take me. I am going to be a curator. I am sick of hearing that I cant do it or that it will be to hard to accomplish. I know I have to kick ass in school and make my dream a reality. I owe it to myself... I know Grandma would be proud of me either way.

untitled...

Ugh, I wish I had posted more this week. Life has been interesting for me the last few days. Not much to write about now. I did manage to finish the bag for my Aunt. I completed it tonight. I am rather impressed with it. I want to make more to sell. I seriously wish I had more time to devote to it. *sigh* Maybe, one day.

I'll keep your eyes wide open tonight... Keep the car on the road now///

Song of the Day: Editors> Camara

Not much going on since Grandma died...
[well, technically, there was quite a bit that happened but I will post about it later as things develop]

I went on a walk around my new neighborhood today... Enough time to clear my head about what is going on in my life.

Heading down to Los Angeles Thursday thru Sunday to be with family and for Grandma's funeral on Friday in Whittier.

I think I will use some of my bonus from work to get a new tattoo in the memory of Grandma and one for Grandpa too while I am back home.

Another day approaches.

-m