So,


I got an A+ on my speech! Go me!

There is blood on all the shoes you've worn from the people you've been stepping on///

Song of the day: Death From Above 1979> Blood on Our Hands


A list of random things:

Today I just found out that Paul Newman died. It really made me sad to read that on my gossip sites. I have his Newman's Own salsa in the fridge... I think I will eat the rest of it in his honor. His food is real good. I'll always have a spot for him in my heart.

Last night I was thinking about death right before I went to sleep. I don't know what prompted this thought but I kept wondering what it will be like and what will become of me and my legacy. Maybe I am worried that I am not going to do enough in/with my life. Ugh.

I just heard Interpol's "Slow Hands" used in an Armani commercial with that douche bag Josh Hartnett. I think I died a little bit inside just now.

from the ipod touch...

Song of the day: death from above 1979> black history month


I had something interesting to post earlier that I was actually looking forward to writing about but that idea has come and gone. The sad thing about this whole thing is that "said topic" really made me happy. Ugh.

Minus 10 points for me.

One more day till the weekend. (thank you jebus)

Tonight is the premier of The Office. Every night, another TV show to keep me sane for one more day.

I think I am done ranting

[edit]
I think the roommate ate my green beans. And that makes me a little upset. Not because I wanted to eat them (which, I wanted to do anyways because green beans are my all time favorite) but because I spend my hard earned money on food for Paul and myself and I know he didn't buy them or his grandma.

Ugh.

Breath out so I can breathe you in... Hold you in///

Song of the day: Foo Fighters> Everlong



The end to another day. Thank goddness. I am glad that it is finally fall and not summer. Don't get me wrong, I love the things that come with the summer seasons; like swimming, day light that never seems to go away, bbq-ing every night that we can. I am just not a fan of the hot days and I really am happy. Soon, it will be the holidays and then time for a new year of things.

And today it just hit me that in about 2 months I will be 25. Yeah. To be honest, I don't feel like I am any certain age. I just feel like me. Soon I will be at my quarter life. Gasp.

Project Runway is on. I haven't seen LL Cool J in the longest time. Paul kept joking that LL would probably make his abs make a guest appearance. I hope Kenley goes home. She is so effing rude and a one trick pony.

[edit] OHMYFUCKINGGAWD... The decided to keep fucking Kenley! I was so ready to punch a whole in the TV. If that bitch makes it to the final 3, I will punch my self in the stomach. Fo reals, yo.

[edit again] The Karate Kid is on (actually its The Karate Kid 2) and I am wanting a Cobra Kai tee shirt. I think the thought of watching this movie gets me happy and thinking about Halloween also. Snaps, Mr. Miyagi is from Okinawa Japan.

When blood coagulates it's time to operate///

Song of the day: Peaches> Operate


I am happy to report that the presentation that I gave the other day went well. Not bad for someone who was totally unprepared. I kept thinking about how bad I was going to do. I was real nervous. Up until the time I went to present, my hand felt like it was turning blue (the pinkie on my left hand to be exact). The whole time I was shaking as I was demonstrating how to crochet with plastic bags. I managed to present my speech with in the 3 to 5 minute time frame. My professor said that my speech was memorable and also interesting. (that made me smile)

So now I am watching House with Paul. Waiting for a dryer to be available down stairs... I burned myself while making mashed potatoes. I have a blister or something and its killing me. Ugh. How I wish I could just pop this fucking thing!

Smokestack lightning out my window... I want to know what I've lost today///

Song of the day: Beck> Gamma Ray


Tonight is my presentation for my Public Speaking class. I am nervous to be honest. I hate talking in front of people, let alone 30 people who I don't know. I know I will be fine. But the anticipation is killing me. I just want to get this over and done with! Anyways, tonight is also the Chargers game on Monday Night Football... I wish I could see it! : ( And I need to do laundry like a mother fucker!


Ugh. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: This degree better be worth it!

Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see///

Song of the day: The Beatles> Come Together


Ugh. People in this world are mean and crazy.

Things done today:
-Woke up, hooked up the new dvr and showered.
-Drove to Roseville for lunch @ Islands.
-Went to Fry's to get an ipod touch case for Paul...
-Took it back 5 minutes later because it didn't fit his.
-Went to Best Buy but they were just as useless as Fry's.
-Found new stores in Roseville across the street from the mall... One was the store Paul's dad works for in So. Cal & the other was a furniture place that we get catalogs to called West Elm and had gelato at this nifty store near by!

You know you own my body, but don't think that you control my mouth///

Song of the day: We Are Scientist> Textbook


A long time ago, I think I was about 20 (it was a month till my 21st birthday); I was dating this guy named Eddie. Back in the day, all I was doing was meeting up with random guys... More for the human contact then the pointless and forgettable sex... I liked being in the company of guys (Being raised around boys my whole life and being the only girl in a Masculine household had taken its toll on me apparently). Let me tell you... Eddie was a pretty kick ass guy. He practically was the polar opposite of me but we fit together so well. He was a white boy rapper type with tattoos drove an Escalade. He was the most fun person I have ever dated at the time and I totally adored this guy. I don't know if it was the fact that I was so mesmerized with the thought of being with someone this amazing or that I decided to settle with the first person who would have me...

We didn't know each other for very long before he proposed to me. I think we had known each other for 4 or 5 months. I honestly thought that he was going to me my future husband. That's what I get for watching stupid movies where the girl gets the guy. Anyways, Eddie proposed to me in February... I remember thinking that every bad thing that has ever happened to me was now finally being wiped away and now having the chance to start a life with someone who I loved more then the English language. I was so happy then. That whole time period was like a whirl-wind romance that you could only see on the big screen. I had my doubts...

It's him.
I write about Ed. my thoughts about him are awesome. I adore him so much. He is the most wonderful person in the world next to me. He makes me smile and I truly value the time that we get to spend together. The world is a better place now that he is in it.

I have my doubts.
I am not going to lie about that. I think that things between us have happened a bit too fast. This whole month together has just taken things that should wait several months to forge and they happened within the course of a few weeks. We said that we loved each other faster then any other relationship I have ever been in. we already have plans for the future despite the fact that we don't really know all that much about each other. Things are moving pretty fast for my second relationship.

I just wonder if I am the one for him.
I know I am not the easiest person to love or even like for that matter. I know that he deserves so much more then what I can offer him. He deserves the stars in the sky and I just hope to god that I am that one girl who can give them to him. I mean, he is the most perfect guy that I have ever had the pleasure to know in all my random emo kid adventures. He is thoughtful and considerate and has the most beautiful blue eyes in the free world. He can make my heart stop beating but just looking at me. He makes me so happy that I can't wait for the days to pass... I look forward to the day when I can stop calling him my boyfriend and call him my husband.

That is how much I love that white boy.

I guess I am nervous. I don't know if I am scared to let things happen. This is my life... these things are meant to happen for a reason or another. I guess I need to loosen up and live a little. If I get hurt, then it happens. I will still live. I am scared to love someone else. Today is the one year anniversary of the great break up of 2003... I guess that is the reason why I am thinking like this.


Be thankful happy for this moment.
This moment is your life.

Long story short, it didn't last. Like most things in my life apparently. He cheated on me and I was too stupid to see the warning signs. Like the emails to random girls on Craigslist... He tried to tell me that those were nothing and that I am the only one that he wants. All fucking lies. Oh well. I talked to him years later (this year actually) and he said that it was a combination of him not really liking me and he really wasn't ready to be married.


Tonight,
I was playing around with Paul's new ipod touch tonight. It brought those memories back all of a sudden to Eddie breaking off our engagement because he cheated on me. Reading anonymous emails from him to some other girl he wrote in April of 08 makes me feel like leaving this. So fucking lame.

from the ipod touch...

I tell you, I am so in love with this damn iPod thing. I am going to have to get one of these sooner rather then later.

Paul bought "planet earth" on blu ray and we are watching it right now. I am taken back by how awesome the video quality is. And seeing the animals makes

me a happy bear.

This ain't no funky reggae party, $5 at the door///

Song of the day: Sublime> Garden Grove


Paul got a brand new mp3 player last night...

We first went to Fry's to return something that he had bought for his younger sisters computer that he helped fix up for her 1st year at UC Merced. He took one of the things back with no problem. Because school started for us and we have both been real busy lately, we finally had time to take it back before the 'grace period' ended...

I got pissed at the manager because he was harassing Paul asking him why he waited for 30 days to return one thing but the other was done earlier. He said there was a missing piece to the part, which we told him wasn't in the original package... I pretty much told him that his policies were 'bullshit' because he said that we have to spend $12 for that missing piece before we can return the whole thing.

Long story short, he was able to return the item and had a $54 credit. We didn't need anything else (we have already bought a new 32" LCD TV, PS3... And I am getting my new computer at the end of the year) so he joked that he was gonna get an itouch to replace his old Creative mp3 player since its old (like 4 years, I think) and cant hold a charge anymore...

And he did get it. He likes it a lot.

And now I want one too! I still like my 30g Creative Vison:M but I can hold out till Apple comes out with a new upgraded and cheeper version!

Lazy sun... Your eyes catch the light with promises that might come true for a while///

Song of the day: Beck> Lonesome Tears


I wish this blog was read by millions (or maybe more then my small group of friends, family & online amigos)... But not in the same way that Perez Hilton's blog is. I just want people to know my life story (and the randomness that comes along with it) and what nots. Maybe this is my last ditch effort to make it as a writer, which was my passion in life before I graduated high school at age 17...

I wanted to write. I loved it. I even managed to get into a highly respected and sought after English class when I was a Junior in high school... Honors English. Not bad for a 15 year old who was a polar opposite from everyone else in that class (I admit I was one of those 'pseudo goth-punk-skater' kids).

I don't know what happened to that passion and dream I once had. I grew up and focused all my attention on working and being part of the work force. Going to college 2 years after I graduated high school... Then taking a 'break' to work again... Now back for a 2nd time around. I almost wish I had gone to college right after high school. I would have been graduated by the time I was 21 (going on 22). Ugh. If only I had known back then. Things would have been different.

Life is funny sometimes.
& somethings just
wer'nt ment to be.

Make mistakes that someday may end up killing the reasons why you did the things you had to///

song of the day: death from above 1979> 'do it 93! (live in Rio)'


I am currently attempting to study for my math class... Yes, I know a stretch for me, right? I decided to give this class another shot and stick with it no matter what happens. I figure that the least that can happen is that I fail and have to retake it in the Spring. I'll at least have the book for the next shot around. But, so far, this section is pretty easy to follow and understand. Let's just hope it stays this way.

I need to start working on my presentation in my Public Speaking class... I hate talking infront of people. Ugh.

Once I get done with my general ed at Sacramento City College, I am gonna go to school full time at Sacramento State... Maybe work to finally getting out of Sacramento and out to San Francisco or Los Angels or maybe Seattle...

And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more///

Song of the day: Death Cab for Cutie> Tiny Vessels


Tomorrow is 9/11...

Joy. (Manda = sarcastic)

You wanna know why you feel so hollow? 'Cause you are///

Song of the day: Queens of the Stone Age> Everybody Knows That You Are Insane


So Friday I have a pop quiz in math... And I don't think I am going to do good... Oh, I also have a test on Saturday morning too. I suck at studying!

I decided my first speech will be about how to crochet a handbag out of used grocery bags. Paul thinks that it's something I am good at and also something interesting I can share with the class. I hope it turns out good tho.

Today was the worst at work. I won't go into too much details since I know that the good Doctor and my office manager might read this in the near future. I am working on a mixed CD tho. Something to show how I feel. Wish me luck.



PS: Lil' Jon cracks me up... He makes me hate the words "okay", "yeah" and "what" and I always think of Dave Chapelle too.

Few throwaway kisses... The boomerang misses///

Song of the day: Roxy Music> Mother of Pearl


Math still sucks but I have my first assignment for my Public Speaking class... Should be interesting. I'll update on the progress.

Neumayrs in LA & she ain't returning... I'm sleeping with people I don’t even like///

Song of the day: Bloc Party> Mercury


I hate math with a passion. Thank goodness I am getting in to a profession that does not require me to use this stupid process. Ugh. Getting this degree better be worth it.

Tomorrow is public speaking class. I have to read a lot before tomorrow afternoon... Should be interesting.

I hope this week is better then the last. ::crosses fingers::

I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood///

Song of the day: Fall Out Boy> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs


Paul took me to the museum yesterday to see the "American Pop" exhibit at the Crocker. It was a wonderful surprise. I usually get all giddy and happy being around art, especially Modern Art.

I bought some things from the museum store... A book about Roy Lichtenstein, 3 book markers (one of MC Eshcher for me and two of Frank Lloyd Wright and Edward Hopper Wayne Thiebaud for Paul), a post card of Lichtenstein's painting "Yellow Brush Stroke #1", a pen shaped like a slice of pizza and a figurine of Frida Kahalo (which is sitting on top of my monitor with my Clank figure.

We went to Bread Store for lunch and then spent the rest of the night having a mini marithon of watching "How I Met Your Mother" (which is now my favorite show ever)

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers... In hotel rooms collecting Page Six lovers///

Song of the day: Fall Out Boy> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs


I have been listening to the same song by Fall Out Boy since Thursday... It brings back 'memories' of the things and person I once was long time ago... Which got me to start searching old blogs of mine... Do I miss what "could have been?" Not really. But it does get me to start thinking just for a little bit.

'Been looking forward to the future
but my eyesight is going bad.
& this crystal ball is
always cloudy except for
when you look into the past.
One night stand.'

The one line that I love more then anything is when he keeps repeating 'He tastes like you, only sweeter.' I think its the most beautiful set of words put together...





On a totally (un)related subject: Have I ever mentioned that I always laugh when I hear the songs "Me So Horney" by 2 Live Crew and "Poison" by Bel Biv Devo... Poison reminds me of an episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" in which The Gang 'Dances Their Asses Off'

Get me out of my mind & get you out of those clothes///

Song of the day: Fall Out Boy> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs


It's wonderful the things that people put on the internet when they think that no one is looking... It makes me happy that I only let people know what I want them to...


If only your wife knew. (how.sad)